Everyone has a draft report card. ESPN, CNN, Sportsline, not to mention tons of other websites have made hasty judgments about this year’s NBA draft. Why then, you ask, should the reader give a damn about this one? Because this one is different in that I won’t attempt to predict who is a better player. This draft report card bases its “grades” on whether each selection was a good pick for that franchise, at that time.

Atlanta Hawks Josh Childress, SF, Stanford (No. 6) Josh Smith, SF, Oak Hill Academy, (No. 17) Donta Smith, SF, Southeastern Illinois, (No. 34) Royal Ivy, SG, Texas, (No. 37) Viktor Sanikidze, SF, Georgia, (No. 42) In a clear attempt to compete with the Washington Wizards for having the most Small Forwards on their roster, the Hawks go with three in the draft. Bizarrely, the Hawks could have selected a 7-5 Center, a different (and better) Viktor, or a variety of guards that are ready to step in and contribute. Instead, they got two Josh’s, neither of which is ready to play, the guy with the best name in the draft (who doesn’t love the name Royal Ivy), and brought their SF total to five. Surely this wasn’t the plan. Oh wait, we’re talking about the Hawks here. Grade: C-. Childress over Iguodala? Please.

Boston Celtics Al Jefferson, PF, Prentiss (MS), (No. 15) Delonte West, SG, St. Joe’s, (No. 24) Tony Allen, Oklahoma State, (No. 25) Justin Reed, SF, Mississippi, (No. 42) In lieu of actually doing his homework and attempting to scout guys, Danny Ainge chose the Uzi style and stockpiled draft picks. Since that strategy worked so well last time the Celts did it, Ainge was confident he could turn at least one of these picks into a star for another team. My money’s on Allen. He’s a defensive presence who should improve his shooting in the pro’s. And, since he play’s Paul Pierce’s position, it’s almost a sure thing that he’ll end up playing a starring role elsewhere in a few short years. Grade: B. A high school kid over Jameer Nelson, reigning college Player of the Year and a Point Guard, something that the Celts desperately need? Right.

Charlotte Bobcats Emeka Okafor, C, Connecticut, (No. 2) Bernard Robinson, SF, Michigan, (No. 45) Just when you thought that former Wizard coach Bernie Bickerstaff could have pulled off the best possible draft for an expansion team, he dumps Zaza Pachulia for a bit player from a bad college team. Jameer Nelson would have looked nice dumping the ball into Okafor, but Orlando routed Bernie. Grade: C. A + F = C.

Chicago Bulls Ben Gordon, PG, Connecticut, (No. 3) Luol Deng, SF, Duke, (No. 7) Chris Duhon, PG, Duke, (No. 39) The more I think about it, the more I like the Bulls’ draft. John Paxson made a “dubious” move last year when he selected Heinrich and the kid turned out to be their best player by the end of the season. I don’t like the thought of two 6’2” guards in the Chicago backcourt, but both are playmakers and if either Chandler or Curry steps up the D, then the size on the outside shouldn’t matter as much (yes, that’s a HUGE if). Deng didn’t make sense to me, but what the hell. Paxson knows more about this stuff than I do, so he deserves some credit. Grade: B. Iguodala. Iguodala. Iguodala.

Cleveland Cavalies Luke Jackson, GF, Oregon, (No. 10) Who needs draft picks? They have LeBron! I would have preferred that they land Livingston (more on him later), but the talk is that Jackson is legit. He’ll have to play the 3, and the Cavs probably needed a PG more than a 3, but it looks like a good pick. Grade: B+. Still need a PG, but may move Jackson to Indy.

Dallas Mavericks Devin Harris, PG, Wisconsin, (No. 5) Pavel Podkolzine, C, Russia, (No. 21) Luis Flores, SG, Manhattan, (No. 55) If you told me before the draft that Don Nelson and Mark Cuban would be able to land a 7’5” Center who will floss with Shawn Bradley’s stick like figure AND land a legitimate franchise PG, I would have asked you for some of your fun drugs. Instead, I’m blown away. Yao Ming and Pavel are essentially the same player; Yao just played more before getting drafted. I’m shocked and awed that he was still there, that the Mavs were able to get him, and that Don Nelson is in the unique position to ruin yet another big man. Grade: A. Kiss Nash goodbye, Harris is a stud.

Denver Nuggets No Picks Traded Jameer Nelson, their only pick, to the Magic for a future #1. Grade: C. Pavel?

Detroit Pistons Ricky Paulding, SG, Missouri, (No. 54) My how short NBA scouting memories are. Word on the street was that Paulding had a down year because he was hurt for most of it. But I remember the guy lighting it up in the tournament two years ago. Shooters don’t just forget how to shoot. Injuries or age can kill their legs, but if he’s healthy, he’s a lock to be the next Kareem Rush. Grade: A. Come on, they just won the Championship. Who cares about their draft.

Golden State Warriors Andris Biedrins, PF, Latvia, (No. 11) Fortunately, the Warriors defeated sportswriters nation and did not select Pavel. See, I have this theory that the sports writers of the world couldn’t figure out who the Warriors liked and they just made a group decision to predict that they took Pavel. It made some sense. Golden State love to stock up on big men to the point that they can never develop because they are forced to platoon with the other big’s on the roster. Whether it was a moment of clarity or they meant to write Pavel, we’ll never know. Grade: B+. Many say Biedrins is a stud. I don’t know about that, but he’s from Latvia, as is my buddy Vic, so he’s ok in my book.

Houston Rockets Vassilis Spanoulis, PG, Greece, (No. 50) Don’t ask me to pronounce it or even say anything remotely intelligent about him. How anyone could give a grade to a team that picks an unknown “sleeper” Euro is beyond me. Grade: A. Only because Greece upset the hated French in Euro 2004 today (and because they might get McGrady).

Indiana Pacers David Harrison, C, Colorado, (No. 21) Rashad Wright, PG, Georgia, (No. 59) After the heartbreaking defeat to the Pistons Coach Rick Carlisle pledged there would be changes on the Pacers roster. Well, by golly, he was right. Now the Pacers have replaced Brad Miller. I know nothing about this guy except that he’s 7 feet tall. Grade: B. Didn’t Georgia miss the NCAA’s this year?

LA Clippers Shaun Livingston, PG, Peoria, (No. 4) Lionel Chalmers, PG, Xavier, (No. 33) Yeah, Kobe’s sure to come now. If there’s one golden rule of basketball it’s this: The Clippers always do stupid things. They had the chance to draft a franchise caliber point guard in Devin Harris, a guy who is ready to play now and would have given them a great chance to take them to the playoffs. Instead, Elgin Baylor takes a guy who’s best year’s are going to be after his Clipper internship is up. Grade: C-. I’m just bitter because I had visions of a LeBron-Livingston backcourt in Cleveland. Wait, that still seems likely.

LA Lakers Sasha Vujacic, PG, Slovenia, (No. 27) Marcus Douthit, PF, Providence, (No. 56) Laker nation can relax; Flopmaster Fisher’s replacement has arrived. I’m sure with a summer of turmoil that has just begun, LA fans are happy they got a quality Euro in Vujacic. Oh wait. Never mind. Laker fans are out sunning themselves and wondering where the next “place to be seen” is. Grade: C. All I know about Marcus Douthit is that if you asked me about his chances of making the roster, I’d reply, “Doubt It.”

Memphis Grizzlies Andre Emmett, SG, Texas Tech, (No. 35) Antonio Burks, PG, Memphis, (No. 37) Sergei Lishouk, PF, Ukraine, (No. 49) Let’s see, we have a Bobby Knight product (a system guy – Hubie’s got to love that), a John Calipari product (hold the applause till the end), and a Ukrainian no one has ever heard of. Either Jerry West is a genius or none of these guys are going to make the roster, which, of course, means that Jerry West is a genius. Grade: ? Did you know that you have to get permission to visit the Ukraine? I believe “permission” comes in 10’s and 20’s, depending on how important you are.

Miami Heat Dorell Wright, SG, South Kent, CT, (No. 19) Albert Miralles, PF, Spain, (No. 39) Matt Freije, SF, Vanderbilt, (No. 53) I don’t like high school kids. “What about LeBron?” you ask. “Once in a lifetime, I retort.” Maybe I’m just a bitter Wizards fans (ok, I’m definitely a bitter Wizards fan), but I just don’t like it when teams gamble on these high school kids. Before I get all Dick Vitale on you, my point is that team’s like the Heat need guys that can contribute now, not three or four years down the road. Dorell won’t help them at all for two years minimum. Grade: C. No help for the fellas. Enjoy the second round again next year.

Milwaukee Bucks No picks, no grade.

Minnesota Timberwolves Blake Stepp, PG, Gonzaga, (No. 58) They needed a PG to take soon departed Troy Hudson’s place and they got one. Of course, if they hadn’t made that back door deal with Joe Smith, they could have gotten a better point guard. Grade: D-. Two words: Joe Smith.

New Jersey Nets Christian Drejer, SF, Denmark, (No. 51) Drafted a guy in the first round named Khryapa (pronounce that the way it looks) and they traded him for Eddie Gill. “Crappa” for Gill? Grade: D. At least they added another country to the NBA.

New Orleans Hornets JR Smith, SG, New Brunswick, NJ, (No. 18) Tim Pickett, SG, Florida State, (No. 44) They needed a SG since David Wesley is five years past his “prime” and Courtney Alexander is, well, Courtney Alexander. Don’t know if Smith is the man or not, but here’s hoping he’s better than the last JR to inhabit their roster. Grade: C. Memo to Alexander: start looking for work elsewhere.

New York Knicks Trevor Ariza, SF, UCLA, (No. 43) What’s the over/under on Isiah trading Ariza when he realizes that he’s not from the ghetto. I can see Isiah already. “Ariza, sounds foreign. Call the Mavs. See what we can get for him!” Grade: B. Only because he’s not named Frederic Weis.

Orlando Magic Dwight Howard, PF, Atlanta Christian, (No. 1) Jameer Nelson, PG, St. Joe’s, (No. 20) Anderson Varejao, PF, Brazil, (No. 30) Had a chance to select a top shot blocker and rebounder (the perfect fit for Sir-Jacks-A-Lot McGrady or Francis) and you select teenager whose stated goal is to put the Cross on the NBA Logo? Would have been a slam dunk draft with Okafor. Instead, I’m displeased. Loved the Varejao pick though. Dude has a huge afro and plays like a bigger Ginobili. What’s not to like? Grade: B+. Okafor would have made this an A+. Love that Jameer.

Philadelphia 76ers Andre Iguodala, GF, Arizona, (No. 9) Since no one knows if he’s a guard or a forward, I’ll just call him a GF. He plays defense, he grabs rebounds, and he knows how to defer to the boss – AI. Great pick. Grade: A.

Phoenix Suns Jackson Vroman, C, Iowa State, (No. 31) Traded the No. 7 to Chicago in an attempt to clear cap room. I don’t like that gamble because I don’t see Kobe leaving LA and frankly, an aging Steve Nash isn’t worth the money. Still, got another big guy, so that’s something. Grade: C-.

Portland Trailblazers Sebastian Telfair, PG, Brooklyn, (No. 13) Viktor Khryapa, SF, Russia, (No. 22) Sergey Monya, SF, Russia, (No. 23) Ha Seung Jin, C, South Korea, (No. 46) Apparently, street legends are worth the 13th pick, even if they are the same size of Damon Stoudamire. I loved the commentary on ESPN. Russian’s are “hard nosed”. I’ll just blame Rocky for the racial profiling. But if Russian’s are “hard nosed”, are Koreans pansies? Grade: C. Reached on an overrated, undersized point guard who won’t contribute for 4 years.

Sacramento Kings Kevin Martin, SG, Western Carolina, (No. 26) Ricky Minard, G, Morehead State, (No. 47) Replaced Gerald Wallace with…waiting…still waiting…oh screw it. If you look at their names long enough it looks like they drafted Ricky Martin. Grade: Incomplete. I know less than zero about both of these guys.

San Antonio Spurs Beno Udrih, SG, Slovenia, (No. 28) Romain Sato, SG, Xavier, (No. 52) Word is that Udrih is a pretty good player. I don’t know about that, but Sato sure can light it up. He’s a bit streaky, but when you play with Duncan and you get tons of open looks, you’ll catch fire often enough to justify the roster spot. I thought that was a great pick. Grade: B. Get ready for those lettuce jokes.

Seattle Sonics Robert Swift, C, (No. 12) David Young, SG, NC State, (No. 41) Stole Golden State’s center and now have the replacement for Jerome James. I give him two months before he starts dominating Kwame Brown. Grade: Incomplete. Can’t rank a high school player.

Toronto Raptors Rafael Araujo, C, BYU, (No. 8) Pape Sow, PF, Cal-State Fullerton, (No. 47) They needed a Center and now they have one. I don’t know what Araujo is going to bring them, but at the least it allows Bosh to move back to the four, the best place for him. Finally, a team made a smart choice based on their unique needs. Grade: B+. Filled a need, drafted a guy named “Pape”.

Utah Jazz Kris Humphries, PF, Minnesota, (No. 14) Kirk Snyder, SG, Nevada, (No. 16) Humphries dominated last season in college, and as one ESPN commentator so eloquently stated, “If he just scored that would be one thing, but he grabs rebounds too.” Thank you John Madden. Still, I like the pick. Don’t know if they need Snyder, but he can shoot some and with Harpring coming off an injury year, there’s a need for a shooter. Grade: B-. Traded Pavel to Dallas. Automatic half letter grade drop.

Washington Wizards Peter John Ramos, C, Puerto Rico, (No. 32) In a matter of days Ernie Grunfeld managed to get rid of Jerry Stackhouse and Christian Laettner, draft a legit Center that many people thought would be in the first round (and is easily better than Brendan Haywood), and bring in a sure All-Star in Antawn Jamison. Hand Grunfeld the GM of the Year award already. Grade: A+. Got rid of Stackhouse. There was much rejoicing.